


Everyone Loves Jeremy Clarkson

by Saints_Dead_Girl



Category: The Grand Tour (TV) RPF, Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: Drabble, Funny, Old Top Gear, Prompt Fic, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 13:41:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13296060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saints_Dead_Girl/pseuds/Saints_Dead_Girl
Summary: Richard vows to leave Jeremy speechless one day, but James has his doubts.





	Everyone Loves Jeremy Clarkson

**Author's Note:**

> I saw a random prompt on tumblr while watching some old Top Gear episodes and just had to write this bit of drabble. Hope you enjoy.

James was relaxing in the brake room, thumbing through his morning paper, when in stormed Richard Hammond.

“I’m gonna do it.” Richard huffed, clearly frustrated to no end. “I swear to you May, I’m gonna take him down a peg.”

Without even looking up from his paper James mutters, “You won’t do it.”

“I will.” He assures.

“You won’t.” James cackles.

“You just watch. The next time he starts with that, “You know you love me, everyone loves me, I’m Jeremy Fucking Clarkson” speech, I’ll shut him up for good.”

James shakes his head in disbelief. “And how do you plan to do that?”

“I- I don’t know.” Richard admits, “But I’ll think of something don’t you worry.” He quickly leaves to continue filming for the day.

“I’ll be holding my breath.” James whispers as he flips the page of his paper.

~*~*~

A few days later, and with Richards promise long forgotten, the three of them walk in to the brake room after a few hours of filming. Jeremy was high on a pointless victory against Hammond over two new super cars and in full gloat mode.

“Another victory for the almighty Jay Cee.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Richard tries to brush him off while walking up to the table full of food.

“Oh don’t be so glum little hamster.” Jeremy groans as he plopped down in his usual spot and propped his feet up on the table. “How can you be mad at a face like this?” he tries to do his best puppy dog face and fails miserably. “No one can be mad at a face like this, because everyone loves me.”

James had an itching feeling that Richard was about to set the big oaf up for something and that Jeremy was going to fall for it, hook, line, and sinker. His suspicions became concrete when he glanced over to see Hammond eyeing him with a coy smile. Ready to see if the little man had what it took to leave Clarkson speechless, like he promised, James sits back and watches the action unfold.

“You’re right Clarkson,” Richard starts off, “You were right, and I concede to the victor.” He gives a little bow.

Clarkson wide eyes Richard before looking to James for reassurance that he had heard him correctly. James can only shrug. Apparently that was enough for Jeremy and he ever so proudly says, “I’m glad you agree.”

“And,” Richard starts to saunter across the room with his food of choice in hand. “You’re right about the fact that I - I just can’t be mad at you.” James stares at him suspiciously, as does Clarkson. “In fact, if I’m honest, I must confess something to you, Jeremy Clarkson.”

“and that is?”

Richard steps as close as he can and dramatically leans in like he’s going to kiss Jeremy. It was all James could do not to fall out of his seat to get the best view, but even still, with all his leaning, James couldn’t see past the back of Richards head. Only the faintest sound of a gasp - that he can only guess came from Jeremy - can be heard before a crunch.

_Wait,.. a crunch?_

With a perplexed look, James watches closely as Richard straightens up and says “That this apple is delicious.” Before he leaves the room, happily chewing on his apple. In his wake he left a speechless, pale, and jaw dropped Jeremy, who is griping at the sofa tightly.

James falls off the couch laughing.

He had done it.


End file.
